You've Got Mail

I watched a movie a while back called "You've Got Mail" with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I always that it was cute, but rather unrealistic. That was until a short time ago when I got a "penpal." She actually found me, to be truthful. We've been exchanging e-mails pictures for a while now. We have alot in common, but she lives on the other side of the world. Literally. So I'm resigned to just being penpals. Then I get an e-mail today, saying that she just got a bonus at work and she wants to come to see me. Okay, so now I'm getting nervous. I'm still waiting for the details as she has to get her travel visa done.

So why am I so nervous? Well, I realize that I am good at keeping people at a distance. Even though my heart aches for closeness and intimacy, it easy for me to put up a wall that only a few people are allowed past. This is something I desperately need to change. But I'm not sure I know how. What if the real me is not as good as the virtual me? What if the things that I think are great about me are not what is important? What if she takes one look and runs the other way? Don't know if I can deal with more rejection.