Please be Patient

For all my followers, I apologize for my absence this week. I am going through some difficult times emotionally right now. I hope you understand. I am leaving for spring break (Spring Training in AZ) tomorrow, so hopefully I will be able to share some positives when I get back. I hope you understand.

Impossibly Possible

I haven't been blogging the last few days as I've been not feeling well. I just got back from watching Alice in Wonderland in 3D. As I watched it one message kept coming from the movie: Anything is possible. I know that in my own life, there are things that seem like they're impossible. Yet, one must always maintain the same attitude as Alice. If you can envision the impossible it can become possible. As long as something remains impossible in our minds, that is what it will remain; impossible. So today, those things that seem too big for me will be conquered, because there is nothing impossible with God.

The Eye Of The Beholder

I have been discovering that I have a defect in my character. At least I think it is a defect. I know that I love beautiful things. Now that I am single, I am overwhelmed with the number of beautiful women all around. I see one woman and think, "God, she's beautiful, I'd like to meet her." In the next moment I see another woman with a completely different look, and yet I'm attracted to her too. I think that all the years of being married kind of numbed me to this sensitivity. It just wasn't kosher as a married man. Plus, the wife would've given me a backhand if if she saw me checking another woman out.

So here's my dilemna: Is this a normal response? Or am I just "objectifying" these women? I know that what is on the inside is so important in having a relationship, and I've had ladies with very nice personalities approach me and ask me out. But I'm not attracted to them. I don't want to pursue that type of relationship with someone I'm not attracted to.

I just don't know how to deal with these new feelings and emotions. Its not like I'm 17 anymore. I know there is more to a woman than her looks. But I'm unable to get past the idea that many women my age remind me too much of my mom. In my mind I still feel young. What to do, what to do.....

A Small Rudder Can Change The Course of Large Ships

I am discovering that saying how to live is not the same as living what you say. It is hard to change patterns of thoughts and behavior overnight. It is like trying to turn an ocean liner around. It cannot be done in just a few seconds. Momentum is acting against you. They say the older you are, the harder it is to make changes. For me, this seems to be true. I try to repeat to myself things that I've heard; positive ways of looking at things. But it seems that when stress happens, I revert back to old patterns. This is very frustrating, and actually creates a vicious cycle, I'm afraid. Then there are those who say I am good the way I am; that I don't need to change; or that I can't change. That I am what I am and that's the way it is.

I know that I am good. That is not the point. I want to be the best I can become. I've said it before, "good enough is the enemy of the best." I guess the place I really need to start is discovering the stessors in my life that cause me to respond negatively.

I am disovering that teaching is a stressor for me. Fortunately, I have completed my Administrative Credential, which will allow me to get out of the classroom. It's not the teaching that stresses me. It's the environment I am in. I spend more time dealing with students that don't want to be there, or just want to act out to get attention, that I really can't teach. This is frustrating to me. I care about these kids, but I feel like I am babysitting. By the time 4th period ends, I am ready to go down to Taco Bell or Jacks and pig out. Intellectually I know this is not good for me. Yet emotionally, I can't seem to help myself.

Another stressor for me is living with my daughter. I love her, but living with her (or maybe it's her living with me)creates continuous friction regarding household responsibilities. How can I find myself as a single man, when I still have my daughter living with me. I am trying to help her get on her feet financially so she can move out, but this adds to the stress, as my checking account is stretched to the max.

I guess today I am just venting. But I guess I need to take inventory so that I can make some positive steps out of the rut I've been in.

Tragedy or Comedy

I've decided to post some of my poetry on this blog. It's not Tennyson or Longfellow, but I just want to express myself....

What Might Have Been
Three days in the sunshine a lifetime ago
A beautiful blond goddess I knew
Her kiss left me breathless, aching for more
Then she bid me adieu

Watching her walk up the grassy knoll
The most beautiful figure I’d seen
I thought to myself “If I let her go now,
I’ll always wonder what might have been”

We wrote a few letters declaring devotion
Like young lovers always do
But we were destined by fate to be apart
Never again to pas de deux

Many summers have passed since she left me trembling
My amorous heart fills with desire
As once again our paths have crossed
And like a fool I begin to conspire

How can I bring this goddess back into my life
To hold her again and embrace
Alas, but she's taken another lover
She now kisses someone else's face

Separated by time, separated by miles,
Obstacles too large to breach,
What can I do to steal her away
When she is still just out of my reach

---Ron Pennington 2009


Waiting
Waiting, Wondering, Anticipation
Hoping, Fearful Perspiration
Maybe, Someday, Inspiration
Wanting, Someone’s Adoration

-Ron Pennington 2010

The Comet
A comet streaked across my sky
Bright and clear was she
Then vanishing much too soon
Never to return to me

My broken heart went super nova
Exploding beyond repair
And now a black hole fills this space
A space I want to share
-Ron Pennington 2010

Fountain Of Youth

I got an e-mail from a friend yesterday. I just need to share it. It comes from a George Carlin bit, and I think it is really meaningful. I am going to try to follow this advice.

How to stay young:
1. Throw out nonessential numbers.
This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them.
That is why you pay them.
2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning.
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever…
Never let the brain idle.
“An idle mind is the devil’s worshop. And the devil’s name is Al Zheimers.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. Tears happen.
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person, who is with us our entire life is ourselves.
Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love.
Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, etc.
Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don’t take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next country;
But NOT where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them;
At every opportunity.

Will Work For Food

I have decided that I am going to start treating my personal finances like a business. I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck only to find out there is more month than paycheck. You know what I mean. They say that there is wisdom in getting counsel from someone who knows what they are talking about. So I've decided to seek the advice of someone with professional experience in finance. I may never get rich this way, but I'm tired of making the banks rich. Wish me luck (and if you'd like to make a donation, Pennington is spelled with 2 N's).