"I Ams What I Ams" - Popeye

I don't know which is more difficult: Looking inside myself and conducting a self-evaluation or sitting in front of a blank screen thinking of something to write. I started this project in order to document my journey to find me. But since so many people have started to read it, I'm finding myself feeling like I am writing for the benefit of others. How do I find the right balance?

I guess maybe that is something to evaluate. Why do I feel like I need other's approval? I know everyone wants to be liked; to be appreciated. I think I am just like everyone else. Yet, as I look at my life experiences, I notice a trend. I try to do or be what I think others want me to do or be, thinking that they will like me. There are two flaws in this characteristic. First, and probably the most obvious, is the absurdity of trying to be something I am not. What a waste of energy. I am what I am, for better or worse. There are some things I can change (like my hairstyle), and there are some things I can't (my height or eye color). Second, is the audacity of assuming I know what someone else wants. You know what they say about when you assume. But, so many times I have been a chameleon; changing with the surroundings. Trying to fit in. Now that I think about it, authenticity is really more attractive and appealing than playing roles. So from now on I'm going to just be myself, and not worry about any criticism (constructive or not), and just tell it like it is; to call 'em like I sees 'em; to remove the masks I wear and reveal myself. Wait, I don't mean reveal myself. That would get me in big trouble. Well metaphorically speaking I guess. Okay, I've got to go get my foot out of my mouth now.